


Duck Tales

by Maknatuna



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Animal AU, Crack, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-06-06
Packaged: 2017-12-14 03:20:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/832112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maknatuna/pseuds/Maknatuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever wondered what life Dean and Cas would have if they'd been ducks?   This is the story where: Castiel is a hysterical duck, Dean is his BAMF protector and BF/future husband, Crowley - king of the yard, Bobby a grumpy red dog, Alastair an evil bastard, Balthazar one hell of a  horny rooster. What do all these animals/birds have in common? Their owner - a crazy metalhead who drives her grandmother crazy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Duck Tales

**The beginning**

It was a dark night when it all happened. Ducks were sleeping peacefully, not bothering about what was going to happen in a few minutes. They were having their usual duck dreams, quacking in their sleep from time to time.

Humans were inaudibly approaching the duck house with a flashlight, shushing each other.

"Keep quiet," hissed a woman's voice.

"You do not want them to wake up and thrash around, do you?"

"How many ducks are you giving me, aunt Rebecca?" asked younger woman's voice.

"Take two. Well, you know how your uncle Tom loves them roasted, so my guess is the rest of the four ducks will be eaten by the end of the month."

"Which ones can I take?"

"Whichever you grab," came the short reply.

* * *

He was awaken by a wild fear. A hand mercilessly grabbed his beautiful black wing and dragged him to the door. He made a loud, alarming quack, startling rest of the ducks, and the chaos began...

Ducks were thrashing around, beating their wings frantically and pecking the hand that was trying to grab them. The noise was deafening.

The ducks made a triumphant quack when the hand disappeared, naively thinking that victory was theirs, but their fragile hope shattered into small pieces when a rubber gloved hand reappeared!

The birds were trapped. They could not escape. The only thing they could do was to hide in the furthest corner of the duck house.

A beautiful brown duck had almost reached the corner when a monstrous hand grabbed his leg and dragged him to the door.

The bird beat his wings, stretched his neck, and quacked desperately. His small heart was pounding heavily in his chest. There was no escape, no chance of survival. The monster just grasped his beak to make him quiet.

The hand dragged him out of the duck house and pushed him into a woven basket.

Everything went black and quiet...

* * *

**Whispers in the Dark**

He could not calm down. There was no sufficient air and he could not move freely. The bird kicked his webbed feet desperately and immediately felt a peck on leg.

"Who's here?" he quacked.

"Stop kicking you dumbass!" an angry voice shouted at him.

"Who is it? Don't you have a name?" the pecked duck demanded.

"I’m Dean, who’re you?"

Dean! That new, arrogant duck. So proud and cynical.

"My name is Castiel. Seems we are both in big trouble," Castiel sighed.

There was a short laughter. "Dunno about you, but I’m not gonna sit and wait ‘til they fry my ass!"

"Then what are you going to do?" Castiel was amazed by Dean's spirit.

"I’m going to try to fly away when the moment comes. I suggest you do the same, Cas."

They fell silent.

Meanwhile, the monster who carried their basket reached its lair.

Dean and Castiel strained their ears to understand better the sounds they could hear. There was a rattling and something creaked.

"Is this the moment when the monster rips…" Castiel never finished as the basket opened and monster dragged him out.

"Dean, run! Run, now!" He quacked and flapped his wings. The monster pushed him into darkness.

Castiel could not see anything and he jumped from fear when something bumped into his back.

"Hey, take it easy, it’s me." It was Dean.

The creaking sound repeated and they realized it was a door behind them.

"Where are we?" Castiel whispered, looking around.

"No clue," Dean huffed.

Suddenly there was a loud rumbling and stirring.

"And who the hell are you?" a mighty voice boomed.

The ducks slowly retreated towards the door.

"We’re gonna die. We’re gonna die," Cas was repeating frantically.

Dean smacked him with his wing. "Shut up, Cas. No one’s going to die!"

The moonlight sneaked in from the big hole in the wall and it was enough to see who the owner of the mighty voice was.

A huge, red rooster was standing in front of the ducks… and he looked pissed!

* * *

  **I Shall Have No Fear of Evil**...

It seemed Dean was trying to make a burning hole in the rooster's face from how intensely he was glaring, while panicked Castiel was slamming against the door, trying to break free.

"Cas, what the hell is wrong with you?" Dean hissed without breaking an eye contact with the rooster.

"I'm… I'm claustrophobic," Castiel stated, starting to peck the door with a power drill speed.

"You, what? But you lived in the duck house before. This isn’t any smaller."

"I… uh… it's a new born phobia." Castiel could not burst the door open and sat on the floor. "We’re gonna dieeee…" he whined as he grabbed his head with wings.

Dean opened his mouth for a witty reply, but the rooster cut in.

"I can help you with that," he croaked and flapped his giant wings.

"Cas, stay where you are! Don't get any closer to it," Dean warned the brown duck and put himself into a combat position. Then, to the rooster: "Come on, you son of a bitch, show me what you can do!"

* * *

The sounds of doomsday woke her up. The dog in the yard was barking his head off. Somewhere the cat was screaming. But the loudest of the sounds was the one that was a mystery to her. She couldn’t tell where it was coming from. 

She hurriedly got dressed and grabbed the flashlight. "What the hell?" the woman mumbled as she quickly rushed from the house.

She loudly cursed when she realized that it was coming from the chicken house. The woman returned to the house and grabbed her basket again.

When she opened the chicken house door, she was greeted by the following sight: Dean was sitting on the rooster, beating him with his wings and pecking him bitterly.

"Here, have some more, you bast…" Before he could finish his battle taunt, a hand grabbed his beak and dragged him out of the chicken house.

"Oh, for God's sake, not again!" he screamed when he was thrown into the basket once more.

"Cas, where are you?" he yelled.

Instead of an actual answer, Castiel's unconscious body fell heavily upon him.

“Yeah, nice to see you too,” Dean muttered in exasperation. He tried to shove the duck off of him, but Dean didn’t have a good enough angle on him. "Hey, wake up sleepy head," he muttered as he nudged Castiel.

The brown duck groaned and opened his eyes. Immediately he went into full panic mode and started to quack.

"Hey, calm down! You're hurting my ears," Dean hissed.

"What's happening? Where are they taking us?" Castiel climbed off of Dean.

"I don't know. Guess we have to wait and see."

They heard the creak again. Someone put the basket on the floor. The ducks heard footsteps and someone uncovered the basket.

Castiel was dragged out of the basket. "Help! Help me, please!" he quacked desperately and kicked his feet.

"Cas! Hold on, Cas!" Dean was trying to climb out of the basket.

"Shut up, you silly bird, you’ll wake the whole neighborhood!" the woman exclaimed.

Castiel saw something sharp in her hands and his heart skipped a beat.

"Goodbye, Dean, it was nice to meet you,” he said solemnly. A single tear rolled down from his eye. Castiel closed his eyes and waited for his death.

It never came.

The woman lifted his right wing and started to cut his flight feathers. Castiel was too shocked to make even a single quack.

"There you go, birdie." She put Castiel down on the floor and reached for Dean.

"No, no, no! Don't you dare!" Dean yelled at her, enraged.

"Oh, what a noisy ducky. Tsk tsk tsk,” she clicked her tongue.

Dean felt violated. His beautiful, shining feathers were mercilessly cut while he was flailing in woman's lap. His honor and dignity were raped and ruined. He was trembling from anger, but could not do anything.

But, no, there was one thing he could do!

"There you go. Much better now. You won’t be able to fly away now." The woman smiled contentedly. She put him beside Castiel and then she smelled it…

"What the…" She looked down at her lap.

There was a big, gross, stinky, and unmistakable stain on her dress.

She narrowed her eyes. "You nasty little creature!"

Dean cackled maniacally at the rage in her eyes. "Payback’s a bitch, lady!" Dean quacked cockily.

* * *

The woman took them outside, into the backyard.

"Well, you didn’t like the chicken house, so there you go. You choose where you want to stay." She took them out of the basket and went back to the house.

Dean and Castiel looked around. There were a lot of fruit trees.

"Come on, Cas, let's check out the place.” Dean waddled towards a fig tree.

After lots of heated bickering, finally they chose an old, moss covered orange tree and settled under it.

* * *

**Troubled Dreams**

The ducks found some leaves and straw and put them together. They pressed it well with their feet and gave it a round form, like a nest.

Castiel's frown deepened when he contemplated the masterpiece. Specifically, how small it was and how very close he and Dean were going to have to sleep next to each other to fit.

Dean noticed his expression. "What's wrong?"

"Just to inform you, I don't intend to lay eggs and hatch out ducklings," Castiel stated matter-of-factly.

Dean's raised wing froze in the air and he made some unducky noise in the back of his throat. He stared at Castiel as if he were from another planet.

"Just shut up and go to sleep." He fidgeted in the nest, trying to get comfortable.

Castiel finally quit panting and grumbling and sat beside Dean. He hid his beak under the wing and closed his eyes.

* * *

_Oh, yes it was so good! So many big and fat fish. And they were all his! He was swimming in the crystal clear lake, chasing the caravan of silver fish. There it is; he almost caught the biggest one by its tail! Just one movement and he's got it. He stretched his neck to grab the fish when the fish turned its head around and… laughed. Wait, what? Do fish laugh? Probably they do because he could clearly hear a loud "eheheheeee"…_

Dean woke up in the middle of the night, startled. Someone was laughing hysterically. At first he didn’t understand what was happening, but when the remains of sleep finally left him, Dean realized that it was Castiel.

He looked at Castiel attentively, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with him. Castiel's beak was touching his dark green chest and he was shaking.

"Cas?" Dean nudged him.

"Heh?" Castiel quacked, hardly coherent.

"What's wrong? Are you ok?"

Castiel opened his eyes and looked at Dean with annoyance.

"Why did you wake me up?"

"Hell, I thought something was wrong with you! You were shaking in your sleep," Dean quacked, exasperated.

Castiel stared at him for a moment, but then suddenly he squirmed. "Oh…" He shook his body. "I think… Oh… Something is in our nest." He started to scratch himself under the wings.

Suddenly he yelled and flew out of the nest. He beat his wings and started to run around the tree.

Dean went running after him. "What's wrong? Cas, are you hurt? Talk to me, God dammit!"

Castiel did not stop running, he just kept running laps around the tree.

"Something is biting me in the butt! I can't help it, it’s so _itchy_!" he kept quacking pitifully.

Dean was totally confused but only for a second. He returned to the nest and carefully examined it.

"Cas, it’s full of red ants! They’re biting you!"

"How am I gonna get rid of them? I can’t reach my ass!" Castiel hollered as he was making his fifteenth lap.

"Whoa, no way I'm gonna peck them out of your ass!" Dean waved his wings in denial.

"Shut the hell up, ya idjits, we’re trying to sleep!" the red dog barked.

"Shut up, yourself!" Dean yelled at the dog.

"Bloody hell, I’m surrounded by morons!" a big black cat moaned and face-palmed – or face-pawed – himself.

Soon a mass of cackling from the chicken house was added to the general ruckus and the yard sank into the loud cacophony of every kind of existing animal sound.

The chaos and anarchy shattered as soon as the door of the house swung open and a figure appeared in the doorway. "SILENCE!" screamed the figure and a gunshot tore the black curtain of the night apart.

Castiel instantly forgot his itching ass and thudded to the ground.

All the other animals or birds shut up and pretended they didn’t exist.

"Get in the nest, you dumbass!" Dean hissed at Castiel. He was crawling towards their nest on his stomach like a professional spy, hoping he wouldn’t be noticed.

* * *

**Alistair**

When Dean woke up in the morning, the first thought that crossed his mind was that Castiel was suffering from some kind of a mental disorder. The reason for this thought was that the brown duck was lying on his back with his webbed feet facing the sky. From time to time he would wave his right foot vigorously while the left one stayed perfectly calm.

He was going to wake his friend, but Castiel already had opened his eyes.

"Morning, Dean,” he rasped.

"Morning, Cas. Gotta say, you have a strange way of sleeping," Dean chuckled.

"I… uh…You know the ants bit me and…" Castiel scratched his head awkwardly and hesitated.

"And? Go on," Dean encouraged him.

"I had a burning sensation in my anus and the night breeze just felt nice," Castiel quacked, embarrassed.

Dean stood there, completely still, his beak and eyes wide open, face showing ultimate astonishment. The duck was perfectly depicting the statue ‘King Priam of Troy Witnesses Death of Hector’, sculpted by an anonymous Greek sculptor.

"I... uh... gonna drink some water,” he muttered. He shook his head, smashing the imaginary statue image, and waddled towards the large wooden basin, which was filled with fresh water.

Castiel just flipped on his stomach and looked at the chicken house. Suddenly he heard footsteps and saw a woman approaching.

"Hey ducky," she greeted him and scattered some bread crumbs and grain on the ground. "Eat, now," she said before going and unlocking the chicken house door. She left some food for the hens and the rooster near the chicken house.

The hens rushed out with a lot of cackling and hurriedly pecked the food. Castiel ate, but from time to time he raised his head from grain and contemplated the hens. There were four and all of them were beautiful. One was white, another black, and the other two red. He looked over to the place where Dean went. His friend was swimming in the basin, diving under the water with merry quacking. Dean was having fun.

Castiel felt lonely and decided to talk to the hens. He waddled towards them.

"Hello," he politely greeted them. "My name is Castiel." He reached his right wing towards the white hen.

"Hi Castiel," crooned the white hen and shook his wing. "My name is Bela. And these are: Ruby, Meg, and Lilith"

"Nice to meet you, ladies." Castiel smiled at them. "What’s the rooster's name?" he asked.

"He’s not just a rooster. He’s our husband and his name is Alastair," answered Meg, the black hen.

Suddenly the hens made a frightened cackle and stepped back.

"What's wrong?" Castiel tilted his head, not understanding what scared the hens.

Something tremendously heavy hit him in the back. Castiel never had a chance to turn around. The force just kept pushing him towards the mesh fencing.

"Well, hello there!" the rooster's ominous voice hissed into his ear.

When Castiel finally was trapped between the fence and Alastair, he managed to turn his head around. "Alastair, what do you want?"

"How dare you flirt with my wives?" Alastair's voice was sharper than a razor blade.

"But I wasn’t flirting," Castiel protested. He was sliding down the fence with each word until he sat on the ground.

"Do not lie to me, boy!" Alastair hissed. "I will teach you how to behave!"

Alastair jumped on Castiel. His long, sharp claws dug under the duck's wings, into the sensitive sides, cutting his skin. His claws started to pluck the duck's feathers out while the rooster was pecking and biting his neck painfully.

"If you ever come near my wives again, I won’t be so lenient,” Alastair snarled.

Castiel's deafening screaming and quacking instantly got Dean's attention.

"Cas!" he yelled at the horrible sight and jumped out of the basin to help his friend. But before he reached the fighters, someone else got there first. Alastair was caught by the farm owner.

"Grandma, I think we should take him away from the ducks. They apparently don’t like each other," the woman said.

"Yes, Emmy. I was thinking the same. Charles was saying that he wanted a rooster, so why don't we give it to him?" The old woman sat back in her chair.

Meanwhile Dean reached Castiel. "Hey, Cas! Look at me!" Dean touched his friend with his wing.

Castiel was utterly disheveled. His feathers were missing in some places, and tangled in others. There were blood traces on his chest and sides. He looked at Dean with blurry eyes and whimpered.

"It's ok Cas, it's ok. Come here." Dean sat beside him and wrapped his wing around his beaten friend. "He won’t bother us anymore. Did you hear what they said? The son of a bitch is leaving this yard," Dean comforted the smaller duck.

"I hope he never returns," Castiel sniffed and snuggled closer to Dean.

"He won’t," the black duck assured him and rested his head on Castiel's back.

* * *

**Not All Monsters Are Scary**

Castiel was still whimpering slightly when Emma appeared. She was holding a small stool, which she put near the wooden basin.

The ducks tensed when the woman stopped in front of them.

"Dear God, poor you." Her voice was full of concern when she looked at Castiel. Emma had some washcloths in her hands. "Come here, my lovely." She reached down and picked up Castiel.

Dean immediately stirred and beat his wings, making a mighty war quack. "Put him down, _now_!" he shouted at the woman.

Emma looked at him, confused. "Ooh, that's so sweet. Don’t worry, I am not going to take her away from you." She patted Dean’s head.

"Her? But Castiel is male! Lady, I think you need some glasses!" Dean was jumping up and down.

Emma did not understand his quacking and went to the basin. She sat on the stool and wet the washcloth. "Do not worry, ducky. You will be pretty again. Your beloved will still like you." She was cleaning off the dried blood and untangling the feathers.

"He is _not_ my beloved and I am a male duck!" Castiel flailed in her lap.

Something snorted above his head. Castiel looked up and saw the same, big black cat, who was sitting on a tree branch. "I am sorry, darling, but you definitely are female in your relationship," he yawned lazily.

"And who would you be?" Castiel had to admit that he quite liked the woman's ministrations.

"I am Crowley, the king of the yard," the cat purred.

"King, my ass!" barked the red dog.

"You know I'm right, sweetheart," the cat answered him arrogantly.

Meanwhile, Emma finished cleaning Castiel. She took him to Dean and sat him beside the other duck. "Ooh, I see you made a nest already?" she crooned. "Good, good. I can't wait till you have ducklings. I love tiny, fluffy ducklings, _teeheeee_ ," she screeched and clapped her hands.

The ducks gulped nervously. Crowley almost fell from the tree laughing hysterically.

Dean blinked. "Is it me, or has everyone around us gone bonkers?"

"My head is bursting, I need to lie down." Castiel dramatically touched his forehead with his wing and waddled towards the nest.

* * *

**All Hell Breaks Loose**

Dean was studying a mole hole under an apple tree when the door of the house slammed shut.

"Oh not _again_ ," he heard Ruby whining.

"What is it?" Dean inquired, looking around, confused.

"You better cover your ears," the rest of the hens cackled and ran into the chicken house. They would shut the door behind them, if it were possible.

Dean looked towards the house and he saw Emma. She looked strange. She was wearing black shorts and a T-shirt with some scary, long haired and bearded men on it. The strange word Amon Amarth was written in bold, black font under their feet.

Emma was holding a beer in one hand and a small CD player in the other. "Let there be rock, my friends!" she shouted and took a swig from the bottle.

"Wow." Dean gaped at her curiously.

Castiel, who was in the other side of the yard, heard her yell and came running towards Dean. "Dean, Dean what's hap…" He stumbled over a branch, thudded to the ground, and his beak got stuck in the mole hole. He quickly got up, sneezing and coughing the dirt from his mouth.

"She's a cool chick," Dean said in awe, looking at Emma.

Castiel frowned. Something strange stirred in him. "Cool chick?" he said incredulously.

Meanwhile, Emma put the CD player on the ground and pushed the button. The music started to play. In the beginning it was distant, but it was getting louder with every second. Emma looked extremely happy. Soon, loud, rhythmical music blared from the speakers.

"Thunder!" she squealed, imitating the singer's voice and started to jump up and down.

Crowley, who was sleeping on the balcony, woke up terrified and ran away screeching. "Bloody morons!" He was hissing and climbing over the fence to get away from this loony bin.

The red dog just groaned and covered his head with his paws. "Oh God, what have I sinned?" he barked and crawled into his kennel.

"I was caught, in the middle of a railroad traaaaaaaaaaack," Emma screamed and started headbanging vigorously.

Dean was in a trance. He could not take his eyes off her. The music he was hearing enchanted him. He felt his body responding to the rhythm and started to mimic her movements.

"Dean, what are you doing? Are you unwell?" Castiel started to shake him gently. He was concerned.

"I… I feel great, Cas! This is wonderful!" Dean quacked and bobbed his head to the music.

Suddenly Emma stopped shrieking and looked down at the flailing duck. "What… you… oh… metal ducky!" she roared deafeningly, not believing her eyes. "Come on ducky, yeah that's it! Shake your booty, hell yeah!" She jumped in front of Dean and started to do windmills.

"See, I'm awesome!" Dean quacked with pride and flapped his wings, trying his best to mimic a crazy metalhead, doing a pogo dance.

"This is insane. Insane…" Castiel was running from Dean to Emma.

As the song rolled towards its finish, Emma bent down and picked up Dean.

"Dean!" Castiel quacked, frightened.

"You did great, ducky! AC/DC would be proud of you!" Emma was definitely drunk. She spun around, screeching. She lost her balance and fell in the wooden basin full of water. The water splashed out, soaking Castiel.

"Wow, great ending," Emma giggled and patted Dean's head.

She got out of the basin and winked at him. "May the Gods of metal bless you." She showed him horns’ sign and staggered towards the house, still giggling.

"Yeah, definitely a cool chick," Dean stated. "And with a nice ass too," he chuckled. Castiel pecked at him bitterly.  "Ouch, what was that for?" he reprimanded Castiel.

Castiel just glared at him, but did not say anything.

* * *

**Childhood Friends**

"Stop using claws, I said!"

"I’m not!"

"Yes you are!"

"Oh, shut up, darling!"

"I’ll bite your tail off!"

"Pfft, you wouldn’t do that, sweetheart!"

Dean heard some bickering and waddled towards the source of the noise.

"Cas, come here," he quacked at his friend. Castiel followed him quickly.

They sat near the rose bush and watched the sight before them in fascination.

The red dog was lying on his belly. His paws stretched out while the black cat was sitting on his back, kneading him earnestly. The dog looked content. He was huffing and waging his tail.

"Come out, I can see you." He made a small woof.

Dean and Castiel looked at each other and moved forward.

"Hello Bobby, Crowley," they said simultaneously.

"Hello lads," yawned Crowley without stopping his ministrations.

"What are you doing to him?" Castiel pointed at Bobby with his beak.

"Oh, this old fleabag is all tensed and needs a massage." Crowley started jumping on the dog's back. His hind legs stretched the dog's skin and massaged the muscles.

"I thought cats and dogs didn’t get along well." Dean scratched his head.

"Yeah, most of them don't, but we have a different story," Bobby snorted.

"Uhm… could you share it with us?" Castiel sat on the ground. His face was showing a child's curiosity. He looked at Dean, as if waiting for his support. Dean simply nodded.

Bobby raised his head and looked at Crowley.

"Go on, Mr. storyteller. The children want to hear the fairytale."

Crowley climbed off of the dog and tucked his paws and tail under his body. His eyes sparkled with mischievous fire. The cat cleared his throat and began to tell the story...

* * *

Emma took a sip from a water bottle. She was satisfied with herself. She could run many more miles. Her speed had definitely improved.

She was on the way back to her house from the park when she heard the noise. It was six thirty in the morning and the park was empty. She really liked this place. It was a quiet, little park.

Intrigued, she came closer. There was a small carton box near a bush. The girl got closer and peeked in. She gasped.

A little red puppy and a tiny, black kitten were cuddled together. Both of them were trembling from the chilly morning air.

Emma put her water bottle down and squatted. She took them out of the box. "Heeey lovelies," she cooed, stroking them. Instantly both of them whined and mewed.

She opened their mouths to check their teeth. "Shit," she swore quietly when there were none. It meant they were too small to be able to eat from the bowl.

"Not to worry, I won’t leave you here. What kind of a cold hearted bastard left you here?" she spat aside and put them back into the box. The little things protested weakly.

"Hush, we're going home. I hope I won't get kicked out together with you." She grinned. "Oh well, if we get kicked out, we can come back and live under this tree, hehehe," she chuckled and whistled some melody, taking the box and walking away...

* * *

Hell was an understatement. It was much worse. For two weeks, she would wake up three times during the night to bottle feed the babies. They needed warmth as well, so she would wrap a plastic bottle with hot water in a towel and put it in their box, which had a fleece blanket and towels covering its bottom.

Probably she was the happiest human in the world when one day the babies started to eat from the bowl. Then there was a visit to vet, who did all the necessary procedures to keep the babies healthy.

Emma chose the names for the pets. The puppy was grumpy and a tough cookie, so she named him Bobby, after her favorite TV show character Bobby Singer. As for the kitten, he was pure Crowley.

Unlike the TV show characters, puppy Bobby and kitty Crowley grew up together and they loved each other dearly, despite their frequent, light-hearted bickering.

* * *

Crowley finished telling their story and pathetically wiped a non-existing tear off. There was a silence. Dean was frowning and scratching the ground with his wing tip slowly. He looked at Castiel.

His friend was all tense. He looked like he was going to cry in any second. Castiel let out a small whimper.

"Cas? Are you crying?" Dean gently touched his friend on the shoulder.

"What? No!" Castiel denied too quickly as he startled at the touch.

"You look like you are, boy!" Bobby raised his brow.

"No, I'm not. It's just so… just so… sad sto.. ho… ho… ho… ryyyy." He could not hold it back and wailed.

"He's too sensitive." Dean grinned awkwardly. "Cas, wait, where are you going? Wait!" He waddled after his too emotional friend, who was running towards the nest, sobbing loudly.

"They are good friends. Just like us." Bobby smiled lazily.

"Friends, my arse!" Crowley laughed. "I'll bet you ten sausages they’ll fall in love soon, if they haven’t already." The cat patted Bobby's head and walked away purring Bob Seger's "Lucifer"...

**Voices**

" _You like it when he's so fragile and you get to comfort him, don't you?"_

Dean woke up, startled. It was a hot night. Everyone in the yard was sleeping. Only crickets creaked annoyingly.

"Who's here? Where are you hiding, you son of a bitch?" Dean hissed quietly.

" _Nowhere, you dumbass, I'm your heart's voice."_  The duck flinched at the small chuckle.

"What do you want from me?" he required sternly.

" _For you to open your eyes and face the truth."_

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean was getting angry and impatient while having a dialog with an invisible collocutor.

" _Are you really that stupid, or are you just playing tough duck?"_

"Look, either you spill it or I'll make you shut up!" Dean shouted angry.

There was an exasperated, long sigh.

" _Definitely stupid. You can’t make me shut up, Dean. I’m inside your heart. And I mean your tender feelings towards your friend."_

" _What_? What tender feelings? He’s my friend, I’m not in love with him, for duck's sake!"Dean shouted loud enough that it made Castiel start. The smaller duck was sleeping beside him, his beak touching his dark green chest.

"S goin n De" he slurred sleepily and snuggled closer to Dean, asleep again.

The black duck's heartbeat increased instantly at the contact and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

" _See, that's what I'm talking about,"_ the voice snickered.

"You’re wrong. So wrong," Dean argued.

" _I see you like to be a stubborn ass. Well, we'll see how long you can deny it."_

"Bullshit!" Dean quacked, trying to sound confident.

There was no answer.

"Hey," the duck called in the darkness.

And again no one answered.

"Heh, I beat your sorry ass," Dean laughed victoriously.

* * *

"Morning, Dean. Who were you talking to last night?" Castiel waddled towards the wooden basin to drink some water. He had just woken up and looked disheveled and drowsy.

"Morning, Cas. I…" Dean trailed off. He gulped nervously when his eyes met smaller duck's eyes.

"What's the matter?" Castiel tilted his head.

" _Isn’t that cute, Dean?"_ the voice chuckled.

The black duck quacked, frightened, and jumped. Dean slapped himself in the face hard.

"Shut up!" he hissed, closing his eyes.

"Dean…" Castiel took two steps back.

"No no no, Cas. I wasn’t talking to you!" Dean rushed forward and grabbed his friend’s shoulders.

" _Ooh, look how adorable he is, Dean."_

Dean paled and took his wings off Castiel's shoulders. Without saying a word, he returned to the basin and ducked his head in the water. He stayed like that for a minute. When his lungs screamed for air, he raised his head, inhaled sharply and ducked again.

Castiel was rendered speechless. But after seeing quite a lot of ‘let me drown’, he waddled over to his friend and pulled him out of the water.

* * *

Dean's struggle lasted for seven days. He refused to eat and was trying his best to avoid Castiel. Not that he did not like him. He would fidget, blush, and sweat like a teenage girl whenever smaller duck was near.

Castiel was worried sick about his friend. It was really hard to see Dean running in the yard and screaming, "Shut up, I said, shut up!" when no one was following him. The black duck would not talk to him and share his problems. This was upsetting Castiel a lot.

At night when it was time to sleep, Dean would pretend he had some important things left to do in the yard, thus waiting ‘til the smaller duck was asleep. Then he would go over to the fig tree and sit under it.

" _So, how you hangin’? Pretty bad, eh?"_  Dean already was adjusted to the sudden questions, so he didn’t even flinch.

"How do I make you shut up?" he groaned.

" _Only if you acknowledge your defeat."_

Dean put his head on the dewy grass and looked at the full moon. He could not lie anymore. He had lost the battle.

"Alright, I acknowledge my defeat. Yes, I'm in love with him."

The voice laughed softly.

" _Good start. See, it wasn’t that bad. Now, you must confess your feelings to him."_

Dean banged his head on the ground.

"Why can't I just kill you, bastard?" Dean snapped.

* * *

**Big News**

Emma was lounged in a deck chair, reading a book. Crowley was sleeping on her lap, curled into a tight fur ball. From time to time, her hand would stroke him and scratch behind the ear. The cat would mewl in his sleep and start its ‘purring generator’.

She heard a small whine and looked down. Bobby was lying beside a deck chair and looking at her with sad eyes, as if reprimanding her for not patting him too.

"Oh, you big puppy, come here," Emma laughed gently and reached her hand to pat the dog's head.

Instantly, the dog's eyes lit up and he wagged his tail. He sat on his hind legs and put the paws on Emma's belly. She gingerly scratched him under the chin. Bobby put his head near Crowley and nudged him with his nose. The cat woke up with a startled mew. When he saw his friend, Crowley just yawned lazily and started to lick the dog.

"Pff, stop it," Bobby huffed when the cat's scabrous tongue licked his nose.

"You’re dirty,” Crowley said innocently, “I’m just trying to clean you up." Crowley just held Bobby's head tight and continued his ministrations.

"Hygiene freak," Bobby snorted and gave in.

An old woman came out of the house and headed towards Emma.

"Oh, here you are." she smiled.

"Yeah grandma, everything's ok?" Emma put her book down.

Her grandma took a seat beside her and looked up at the sun.

"You will fry under this sun. It's too hot." She shook her head.

"Naah, it's ok. Gotta go soon anyway. You look like you want to tell me something." Emma grinned at her.

"Well yes. Tomorrow we will have a new inhabitant for your small farm. The hens need it the most." The old woman looked at the hens. They seemed sad and quiet.

Emma whistled. "Wow. And where are you getting it from?"

"You know the French family across the street? They have the biggest chicken farm in our area. I talked to Mr. Charpentier yesterday and we will meet tomorrow again. He will give us a new rooster for our hens."

"Good. I hope the new one will not be as much of a horrible bastard as the last one." Emma sipped her beer and instantly spat it out.

"Bleh, tastes like shit."

The smack on her head caught her off guard.

"Watch your language, young lady!" her grandmother stood up abruptly and walked towards the house.

Castiel, who was watching the whole scene from nearby, felt his heart get heavy in chest. Apparently they would get new inhabitant tomorrow and God knows who it would be. Maybe he would be worse than Alastair!

Not to mention Dean was still acting strange. "Good morning", "Hi", and "Good night" were the only words during the day that could be heard from Dean.

Castiel could not count on Dean's support. He was left alone against the cruel world and it was frightening him. He was not sure what the new day would bring for him.

* * *

**Enter Sand… Nope, Not Sandman**

Lightning flashed in the sky and thunder rolled. The noise shook the earth.

Castiel started and looked around. Frightened hens ran to the chicken house with loud cackling. Dean was digging in the ground and pecking at grass under the fig tree. Castiel noticed that the black duck would throw cautious glances at him from time to time.

"Flood's gonna flow now," Bobby grumbled and crawled into his kennel. "And the one back in Noah's time will seem like a small puddle compared to this one."

"I love rain," Castiel mumbled and stilled in anticipation.

"Hey, Crowley, where the hell are you? You better find a shelter, if you don't wanna get drowned," Bobby barked.

"Already found one, darling." The cat's voice sounded from the balcony.

And it seemed like the skies tore open and the ocean poured down. The water flooded the yard. Small springs were flowing, taking the leaves and twigs away.

The rain stopped after a short while. Despite his depression, Castiel got happy when he saw small puddles and started to splash in the water. Black clouds cleared away and the sun showed up again.

"Mon Dieu*, mademoiselle, what a disgraceful thing to do! Get your hands off me!" Someone's agitated shout sounded in the yard.

Castiel stopped splashing in the puddle and raised his head. He quacked in surprise.

Emma, who was wearing flip-flops, was carrying a big, white rooster. The bird was flailing and trying its best to escape.

"Oh, the new inhabitant," Castiel whispered and hid behind the wooden basin, but stretched his neck to see and hear better what was going to happen next.

Emma put the rooster down. "If you try to harm anyone here, I swear I’ll pluck your tail out!" she warned the rooster and walked away.

The rooster smoothed his ruffled feathers and straightened his crest. "Too bad you are not a hen. I would teach you how to behave," he shouted indignantly. "Oh, and what do we have here?" His indignation was replaced by excitement when he saw four hens. The hens had left the chicken house when the rooster's shouts filled the yard.

"Bonjour* ladies." The rooster bowed politely to them.

"May I, ma belle*?" The rooster took Bela's wing and kissed it respectfully. "What is your name, sweetheart?" He looked her in the eyes.

"Be... Beee… lll…aaaa." The hen blushed and lowered her gaze.

"Oh, pleasure to meet you. I am Balthazar." The rooster kissed the wings of other hens too.

The hens screamed excitedly.

"So, you came from Mr. Charpentier's farm?" Ruby asked.

"Oui*, my lovely." Balthazar wrapped his wing around Ruby's waist.

"Would you like to take a walk with me and you could show me around?" Balthazar asked in a husky voice.

"Yeeesssss." Ruby felt weakness in her knees.

"Great. Let's go then."

As soon as Balthazar and Ruby walked away, Meg flapped her wings.

"What a bitch!" she screamed.

Balthazar and Ruby were walking slowly and the hen was explaining who lived in the yard except them.

"Understood. And this lad is Castiel if I am not wrong?" Balthazar pointed his wing to Castiel's direction.

"Yes, that's him." Ruby nodded.

Balthazar walked towards the duck. "Oh, bonjour, mon ami*," he shouted cheerfully at Castiel and waved his wing at the duck, who was ready to run away.

Castiel froze in place and stared at the rooster. Balthazar looked friendly and benevolent. "I… uh… I don't understand that reference." Castiel tilted his head.

Balthazar looked confused for a second. But then he smiled broadly. "Oh, pardon. I am half French and use French words often. My name is Balthazar." He reached his wing to Castiel.

Castiel's eyes filled with happy tears when he finally understood that Balthazar was not an enemy.

"I am Castiel." He shook the rooster's wing.

"Nice to meet you, Cassie. Hope you will not mind being my friend?" Balthazar asked gently.

"What? Of course not!" exclaimed Castiel.

Balthazar turned to Ruby. "Ruby, mon amour*, thank you very much for everything. You can go now. I will see you later." Balthazar winked at the hen.

"Alright. See you later, Balthy," Ruby crooned and turned around. "Ah!" she exclaimed when Balthazar slapped her ass.

"Mmm, nice bum," chuckled the rooster. "Oh, sorry, Castiel, but who is that young man over there who won’t take his eyes off you?" Balthazar asked, looking at Dean.

"That’s my friend, Dean," Castiel sighed and fell silent.

Balthazar frowned. "Did something happen? You had a fight?" he asked with concern. "Maybe it is not my business, but you can trust me. I will do my best to help a friend." Balthazar put his wing on Castiel's shoulder.

The duck glanced at Balthazar and when he was met with rooster's sincere eyes, he nodded. "I will tell you everything. We can stop here."

They stopped near the rose bush and Castiel began to tell Balthazar his problem.

**Translations from French:**

**Mon Dieu – My God**

**Bonjour – good morning**

**ma belle – my lovely**

**Oui - yes**

**bonjour, mon ami – good morning my friend**

**mon amour – my love**

* * *

**Suspicions And Jealousy**

"So, you’re saying that he's been acting strange around you?" Balthazar rested his chin on his wing tip.

"Yes, and he's been avoiding me. He seems to be tensed when I'm near. I really don’t understand what I did wrong." Castiel sighed heavily.

Balthazar did not reply. He was summing up everything Castiel told him. There had to be a reason why Dean was acting like a jerk. The sounds of wheels turning in rooster's head practically could be heard. Balthazar was very clever and had a sharp intuition. Suddenly a thought popped up in his mind and Balthazar abruptly raised his head. A mischievous smile danced on his beak and he patted Castiel's shoulder.

"I think I know what's wrong with Dean."

"Really? It's not too bad, is it?" Castiel sounded hopeful.

"If it's what I think, then no, not bad… but pretty funny," Balthazar chuckled. "You know what, Cassie? I'll go and talk to Dean. Don’t worry, we will fix everything."

Castiel smiled. He was really grateful. Balthazar seemed to be a nice person – or bird or whatever.

"Thank you, Balthazar, for your help. I really appreciate it," the duck said quietly.

"Pas de souci*, Cassie. Ok, I'll go and talk to Dean. Everything will be parfait*. See you later," Balthazar encouraged his new friend and walked over to Dean.

* * *

Dean was watching the whole Balthazar/Castiel dialog from a distance and he didn’t like it one bit. He wanted to go over and beat the crap out the rooster when the bird was touching Castiel. His Castiel! But every time he made a step forward, he felt weakness in his knees and his heart pounded like a drum. The black duck wiped sweat off his forehead and closed his eyes. This could not last forever. He had to do something. And that something would be revealing his feelings to Castiel. Dean preferred to fight five Alastairs simultaneously than confess his feelings, but he was going to have to if he wanted to keep Castiel as even a friend at this point.

Meanwhile, Balthazar approached him and smiled broadly. "Hello, Dean. I am Balthazar. It's a pleasure to meet you." He reached his wing towards the duck.

Dean gave him a cocky smirk. "I see you made friends with Castiel." Jealous notes were obvious in the duck's voice.

Balthazar coughed awkwardly and withdrew his wing. "Um… Yes. He is a very nice collocutor."

"I'm sure he is," Dean hissed. His green eyes flashed with anger.

Balthazar studied Dean's face for a moment. Then he bent his head back and laughed.

Dean frowned. "What's so funny?"

"I was right about you. You’re jealous. That's funny," Balthazar said, amused.

"Jealous? What the hell are you talking about? Why should I be jealous?" Dean's voice sounded an octave higher than usual and he instantly cleared his throat.

"Oh, don't try to fool me, my boy," Balthazar laughed. "You are showing obvious signs of affection for your friend. Even though Castiel isn’t even here and we're only talking about him, you keep sweating and blushing. I bet your mouth is dry as well. I noticed that you cannot take your eyes off him, and you are ready to tear me into pieces only because I was talking to him a few minutes ago. That’s called jealousy. Should I continue with the symptoms?" Balthazar asked with the tone of an experienced psychologist.

Dean's mouth kept opening and closing without saying a word. "You don’t know anything," he hissed finally.

"Trust me, my boy. I know a lot of things." Balthazar winked at him. "Here is my advice for you: go and talk to your friend about how you feel about him. I am sure he will understand it."

The black duck laughed nervously and gave the rooster a deadly glare. "Bullshit. But I’m warning you: you touch Castiel and I’ll deal with you."

Balthazar waved him off. "Oh darling, I’m not into males, _especially_ not ducks. But if you feel you need further advice, feel free to approach and ask." Balthazar turned around and left, whistling merrily.

The black duck watched him, feeling puzzled and trying to get things clear in his mind. "Shit, shit, shit," he cursed silently.

At least Dean knew that Balthazar was not interested in Castiel. That was enough for the time being. Dean sat down and started to think about his strategy plan.

* * *

  **Ready For Some Advice**

Dean had been thinking for hours. Well, actually, he was trying to think of a good plan of how to reconcile with Castiel and how to reveal his feelings to the other duck without too many chick flick moments.

The black duck's head was bursting from tension and frustration and he was losing his temper. He had nothing. No ideas. It meant he had to go and ask Balthazar for advice, like the rooster told him.

Dean cursed under his breath, swallowed his pride, and waddled towards the chicken house. Sudden shouting got his attention.

"You, bastard! How could you do this to me? We had a date!" Dean recognized Lilith's voice.

Balthazar and Bela were standing behind the chicken house. Judging from their expressions, they had been caught doing some naughty things.

"Oh, did we darling? Would you like to join us? We could have a Ménage à trios, _"_ Balthazar grinned at pissed off hen.

_"_ Ménage a what?" screamed Lilith.

"It means threeso…" Balthazar could not finish, as a loud slap sounded.

"You, bastard," Lilith sobbed and ran away.

Bela looked at Balthazar, bewildered. "So, you had a date with her too?

"I… uh…" Balthazar received a second slap.

"I hate you." Weeping Bela followed Lilith.

Dean, who had been an unintentional witness of the drama, cleared his throat. That got Balthazar's attention.

"Oh, Dean. Hello there." The rooster rubbed his cheeks and walked towards the duck.

"How can I help you, mon ami?"

The duck lowered his gaze. He was feeling awkward and uneasy. But he had no other choice. "I'm sorry for being rude to you," he mumbled. "And I need your advice. Please."

Balthazar smiled widely and patted the duck on the shoulder. "Let's have a seat and discuss what we can do."

* * *

"I do not know about males, but when a man loves a woman and he's too shy to tell her directly, the best way to show her how he feels is to start with small gifts and compliments, then they go to a restaurant, have a romantic dinner, dance to slow music. Despite the fact that Castiel is not a female, I’m sure it will work with him too. Ooh l'amour, l'amour. "Balthazar was staring at the sky with dreamy eyes.

"Are you sure?" Dean asked incredulously.

"Absolutely. I know this from Mr. Charpentier. That's how he did it with his wife. He liked to talk about it a lot with his friends and I would hide and listen." The rooster grinned.

"Ok. I think I got it," Dean said, unsure.

"Oh, it's easy. You must remember only three things: gifts, compliments, and a romantic atmosphere. You can do it."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I think I can do that. I’ll try it. Thanks, Balthazar." Dean stood up and reached his wing to the rooster.

Balthazar heartily shook it. "No worries. If you need my help, I am ready anytime. Now, pardon me, I must go and see my queens before they kill each other." The rooster chuckled and ran to the chicken house.

Dean smiled to himself. He was satisfied. Balthazar indeed gave him some good advice. And this evening he was planning to show Castiel how he really felt about him.

* * *

**I Wanna Do Bad Things With You**

Dean decided to wait ‘til night had fallen to act. He did not want to draw extra attention t himself, as he was terribly nervous.

According to the plan, the first step was to find a suitable present. The black duck was thinking hard about what to get for Castiel. If it were him, what would Dean like as a gift? Probably something delicious to eat.

Dean waddled off to see if he could find anything suitable in the yard. Loud talking got his attention. Balthazar was holding a meeting in front of the chicken-house. All four hens were there.

"So, I am tired of your constant quarreling and bickering. Therefore, I made a table. Each of you will have one entire day to spend with me. Here are the days: Monday – Ruby, Tuesday – Meg, Wednesday – Bela, Thursday – Lilith. On Fridays you will clean the chicken-house and on week-ends we rest. Is everything clear? Balthazar asked strictly.

The hens nodded their agreement.

"If so, you're free to go."

Dean chuckled and resumed waddling.

* * *

Dean was so busy searching for a gift that he didn’t notice when it started to get dark. The black duck assumed that he found a good gift and with his heart beating rapidly and unstable steps, he went to see Castiel.

The smaller duck was standing at the wooden basin with a sad face. His wing was drawing circles on the water’s surface with lazy movements. Castiel started when Dean towered above him.

"Uhm… Hello, Dean." Castiel sounded confused.

"Mhmm hm," answered the black duck.

Castiel's confusion got worse. "I'm sorry, but I didn’t understand you," apologetically mumbled the smaller duck.

Dean lowered his head and opened his beak. A small, green frog fell out. Dean gingerly held the frog in place with his webbed foot. The poor amphibian was too terrified to make a protesting croak.

"I brought you a frog," Dean said with immense pride and grinned widely.

Castiel's gaze shifted from Dean to the frog. "And why do I need this frog?" he asked cautiously.

Dean's confidence shattered into small pieces and his smile wiped away. He took his foot off of the frog. The amphibian finally understood that it was his chance and with loud croaking, and probably cursing, hopped away.

"I thought you would like to eat it," Dean said almost inaudibly.

"Oh," said Castiel. He paused. "Thank you for your concern, Dean. That was very nice, of course, but I only eat vegetables," Castiel answered shyly.

Dean's mood spoiled. The first step of his plan had failed. It was time to move to the next one. What was it anyway? Oh, compliments, yes.

"Erm… Cas, your chest looks so… so green today." Dean realized immediately that he had said something really stupid and wanted to facepalm himself.

Castiel tilted his head and narrowed his eyes while staring at Dean. "But my chest is always green. Are you feeling well, Dean?" His voice was full of concern.

"Uhm... yes… yes, I'm fine." Dean’s mind was completely muddled from nervousness. "I like your tail. It's so… It's so beautiful and… and…" Dean did not know how to finish the sentence.

Castiel was not saying anything; he was just gaping at his friend.

God damn it! Dean didn’t expect this to go so badly. Maybe this only worked with females? And as Castiel was not a female duck, it did not work out as planned. Anyway, Dean had to try his last shot. But from confusion, he forgot what the third step was. Something to do with music.

“ _Concentrate, Dean, you can do it!”_  he told himself. Oh yes, the dance!

"Cas, would you like to dance?" Dean wished the earth would open and swallow him when he saw Castiel's bewildered face.

_“Oh, fuck it!”_  he thought and lunged forward.

Dean recalled that he saw a couple on TV dancing the Argentinean Tango and he tried to remember the dance movements.

He did not give Castiel time to react: he wrapped one wing around the smaller duck's waist, and with his second wing he held Castiel's wing trying to bend him back.

Castiel lost his balance and with frightened quacking thudded to the ground. Dean followed him and fell on top of the smaller duck.

"Dean, what is wrong with you? What are you doing?" Castiel jumped to his feet and cleaned himself of dirt.

Dean could not say anything. He felt mortified and would not look at Castiel.

"Can't you understand? He wants to mate with you, moron!" Crowley's laughter sounded from the balcony.

"Mate?" Castiel gasped.

Dean could not take it anymore. He ran away, feeling humiliated. The black duck could hear Crowley's laughter for a long time.

Astonished Castiel was looking at his friend as he ran away. Dean loved him! The smaller duck cursed himself for being so stupid and not noticing what was happening to Dean.

* * *

**2:45 am**

The noise of a breaking twig got Dean's attention. He was hiding in wild chamomiles that grew behind the chicken-house. The black duck raised his head and saw Castiel. For a few minutes they just stared at each other, not saying anything. Finally Dean spoke: "What do you want, Cas? Did you come here to mock me?" Dean's voice was heartbreakingly sad.

Castiel shook his head.

"Then why did you co…" Castiel did not let him finish, as he held Dean's head with his wings and pressed their beaks together.

Dean's eyes widened and his breath caught in his throat. "Cas, so you too… It means you too…"

The smaller duck nodded with a smile.

Dean felt warmth spreading through his body and he wrapped his wings around Castiel…

* * *

Balthazar woke up to strange sounds. At first he could not understand what he was hearing, but after some listening, he discerned passionate quacking that was coming from behind the chicken-house.

"Finally," chuckled Balthazar. He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. Though it was a pretty hard task, as the lovers were so loud…

* * *

**I Support Gay Rights**

Emma slipped out of her bed, stretched and yawned as she started her daily morning procedures. The ducks and the rest of the barn were fed by her grandma Amelia.

A three day metal festival was starting in the evening and, being a crazy head-banger, Emma had bought her ticket two months prior to the special date.

But it would start in the evening, so she had plenty of time. Emma walked out of the shower with a robe on, drying her hair with a towel. She went to the kitchen, poured hot, black coffee in a mug, and made a sandwich. She left the towel on a chair and went outside to have breakfast while enjoying the fresh morning air.

Crowley instantly appeared by her side, rubbing his head softly against her legs.

"Come here, kitteh," Emma chuckled and picked him up. Crowley instantly curled up into a fur ball and purred contentedly.

She sighed happily and took a look at her pets. Bobby was still sleeping. The rooster and the hens were pecking the grass and digging in the ground to get some worms, and the ducks…

Emma grinned cheekily. "Come on, boy, you can do it!" She laughed at the scene before her. But her merriment was interrupted by her grandmother's appearance.

"Why are you laughing, honey, what’s so funny?" the old lady asked her gently.

"Ah, nothing special, grandma. I'm happy because we’ll have ducklings soon." Emma patted the cat.

The old lady frowned. “Ducklings? From where?"

Emma looked at her quizzically. "What do you mean ‘from where’? I just saw them doing... well, you know what I mean."

The old lady gasped. She looked at the ducks that were chasing each other, quacking happily.

"But that’s impossible!" She waved her hands.

"Why’s that? When two ducks have sex and…" Emma stopped abruptly when Amelia shouted, exasperated. "They are male ducks! Both of them!"

Emma splattered her coffee over her robe and Crowley. Thank God it wasn’t hot enough to burn the cat. The little bastard even didn’t wake up.

"Males? Are you sure, grandma?"

"Of course I’m sure! I’m not blind like you are!"

Emma bent her head back and laughed—well, actually, more she neighed like a horse. So, both of the ducks were males! Wow, that was unexpected.

"I’ll cook one of the ducks tonight with my special recipe," the old lady said and turned around to leave.

Emma jumped to her feet. "What? No way! No one touches my ducks!" she yelled at top of her lungs. This time Crowley had to open his eyes as he thudded to the ground with a loud yelp.

Amelia looked at her grandchild curiously. "This isn’t normal. They are both males and it’s not natural," she protested.

"I don’t care! They love each other, obviously, and we don’t have the right to separate them! I’ll fight until I’ve lost every drop of my blood, but I won’t let anyone touch them!" Emma got carried away with her hot speech, imagining herself at a battle field, fighting against hordes of monsters alone.

"Oh, for Christ's sake," Amelia mumbled. "I knew you were crazy, but I never thought you were _this_ crazy." The old lady went back inside of the house, making ‘tsk tsk’ sounds and shaking her head in disappointment.

Emma decided it was time to celebrate her small victory and ran to the ducks barefoot. The ducks knew she was their friend and were not afraid to get closer.

Dean waddled towards her first and Castiel followed him a little bit slowly.

Emma kneeled before Dean and patted his head. "You know, I just saved your sorry asses." She grinned at him.

"What is she talking about, Dean?" Castiel quacked quietly.

"The grandma wanted one of us to be cooked tonight," Dean said reluctantly.

Castiel jumped, startled.

"Don't worry, Emma saved us. She won’t let anyone harm us," Dean assured his beloved.

"Oh. I think we should thank her, Dean," Castiel said, relieved, and stepped toward Emma.

The ducks rubbed their necks against her legs, thanking her for saving their lives.

Emma smiled. She bent down and kissed them on their heads.

* * *

**The Proposal**

Emma was settled into a deck chair with her lap top. She was sipping a cold orange juice and watching a comedy. She didn’t listen to her grandmother's protests about the solar activity cycle and radiation dangers. But the girl made a small compromise anyway: she was wearing a cap.

Castiel was standing with the hens and laughing softly. Balthazar was in his usual character: telling some funny stories from his life.

Dean looked lovingly at his mate. He was happy for him. Seeing Castiel all smiling and shining was a good thing indeed. After things got fixed and they became a couple, their life changed for the better. They didn’t need to hide their feelings from anyone and felt safe as they had a great protector – Emma. So there was no need to be afraid of anything.

Dean did not have anything to complain about, but he still felt that there was something that their relationship lacked. He was trying to figure out exactly what it was while waddling slowly in the yard.

"Oh, for God's sake, tell her already, you brainless amoeba!" Emma shrieked at the laptop.

Dean jumped in surprise, as he was standing behind her deck chair. He moved closer to see what made her angry.

Emma saw her duck and smiled at him. "You see, this retard is in love with her and wants to propose to her, but he doesn’t have balls to do it!" she explained to the duck in detail, firmly believing that Dean would understand.

Dean's eyes widened and he made a surprised quack. That was it! That's what he needed. But he had no idea how it was done, so the duck got even closer to Emma and stared at the monitor. Emma made some "Awww" sounds and picked him up.

"Here, this way you can watch it better." She put him in her lap.

Dean didn’t protest and both of them stared at the screen.

Meanwhile, in the movie, a very nervous-looking handsome young man was sitting in a fancy restaurant with a pretty young lady. Finally, the guy slipped a small black box out of his pocket, kneeled in front of her, and opened it. A golden ring with a white diamond glittered blindingly, making Emma and Dean gasp at the same time.

"Anna, will you marry me?" the guy managed to blurt out.

The woman squealed with joy, hugging the hell out of the frightened guy. Basically that was the end of the movie. Emma looked content and Dean was grinning in his ducky way. Amelia, who was looking through the window at her grandchild with a duck in her lap watching a movie, finally was convinced that Emma had lost her mind for good.

"Go on, your sweetheart must be missing you," Emma told Dean and put him on the ground.

Dean was obsessed with the idea. Now he knew what he had to do, but there was one thing he didn’t have. Where on earth would he get a ring? Or at least a substitute for it, because he and Castiel didn’t even have fingers.

He was pacing back and forth in the yard when something shone near the fence. He hurriedly waddled towards it to take a closer look. There was a small white bracelet with ladybird links in the grass.

"What…" Dean cautiously touched it with his beak. He thought very hard about where this thing could come from. And then he remembered! A few days ago, Emma's little niece was visiting them from another town and probably she lost it while playing in the yard.

Dean picked the bracelet up and hid it under his wing. His face showed steady determination. He was going to do it right freakin' now! He waddled towards Castiel.

"Everyone, may I have your attention, please? I have something very important to say," Dean quacked as loud as he could, earning everyone's attention.

Balthazar, the hens, Crowley, and Bobby walked to him.

"What's the matter, kid?" Bobby huffed, looking at the duck questioningly.

"One second, Bobby. Cas, can you come over here for a minute?" Dean called over to Castiel, who was drinking water.

"Sure, Dean." The smaller duck waddled to his mate quickly. "What's happening?"

All the animals and birds surrounded the ducks.

Dean cleared his throat, trying to sound calm, though his voice was treacherously trembling. "I… I’m not good with words, and… and this might sound silly, but… I wanted to ask you… um…"

Crowley rolled his eyes. "Just spit it out, boy," he mewled, losing his patience.

Dean dropped on the ground in a miserable attempt to kneel. "Castiel, duck of my life, will you marry me?" He raised his wing and took out the bracelet.

The sound that the barn inhabitants made was indescribable. Castiel's face was priceless. Confusion, shock, joy, everything was mixed up on his face.

"Yes, I will," he quacked hurriedly, not wanting to scare his mate with a long pause.

Dean took the bracelet and put it around Castiel's neck. "I couldn’t get a ring, sorry about that," he mumbled quietly.

The sounds this time were even louder. But that wasn’t the thing that got their attention. A loud shout of "I can't believe it" and a thud made them turn around and see Emma's unconscious body sprawled out on the ground.

* * *

**The Meeting**

"Dean, Dean where are you?" Crowley was rushing through the yard. The usually calm and balanced cat looked agitated and his fur was tousled.

The black duck heard his shouts. "What is it, Crowley?"

The cat finally stopped in front of him and tried to slow his breathing. He licked his lips and mewed. "I took a walk towards the little pond and I saw a family."

Dean snorted. "Sure, you’ve witnessed a miracle."

The cat hissed, exasperated. "That's not the thing, moron. They’re a really strange family. Two male ducks and a kitten."

This really got Dean's attention. "Ducks and a kitten? Ok, but what does this have to do with me?" The duck was confused.

"The taller duck mentioned your name. I couldn’t get closer, but I heard some of their talking."

Dean frowned. It was strange. Who were those ducks and how did they know his name?

"What do they look like?" he asked Crowley.

"Well, one of them is really tall and brown and the smaller one is honey-colored. He's such a pain in the ass. All he does is talk and talk and talk and again talk. My head still hurts from his ranting."

"Did not you hear their names?"

"No, I'm sorry, I didn’t stay there for a long time. I came back as soon as I could to tell you." Crowley was smoothing his tousled fur.

"Thank you, Crowley. I’ll tell Cas and we’ll go check out who they are."

"No problem.” Crowley was already at the other end of the yard.

* * *

At first, Castiel had freaked out. He was very scared to leave the yard, but after Dean assured him that nothing bad would happen and that they would go only for a few minutes, the smaller duck relaxed.

"I trust you, Dean." He rubbed his neck affectionately against his mate's.

"Fine, let's move, Cas." Dean waddled towards the fence. A few days ago, they found a small hole there and now they could use it to their advantage.

The sound of the familiar voice made Dean's heart beat faster. He flapped his wings and rushed forward.

"Dean? Dean, Dean wait for me!" Castiel panicked and ran after his mate.

There were two ducks sitting at the lake and a small kitten was jumping in the water, mewling happily. At the noise, they turned their heads and saw the new comers.

The taller duck gasped and straightened. "Dean?" he quacked, shocked.

"Sammyyyy!" Dean was running towards the tall duck with his wings open.

"Dean!" Sam ran to his brother.

They met in a crushing hug. For a few moments, neither of them pulled away. Castiel, another duck, and the kitten were looking at them with surprised faces.

Finally, Dean pulled away and laughed. His voice was full of joy. "Look at you, Sammy! You're even taller now than the last time I saw you."

Sam smiled awkwardly and put his wing around Jesse, who was rubbing his head against his mommy's belly.

"Dean, this is my mate Gabriel and our son Jesse," he introduced his family to his brother.

"Gabriel the great, nice to meet you." The smaller duck shook Dean's wing with a grin.

Dean chuckled and pulled Castiel closer to him. The smaller duck looked nervous. "This is my mate, Cas."

The kitten moved from Sam to Castiel. "Don't be nervous uncle Cas," he comforted the duck by licking Castiel's beak.

"I… uh… alright." Castiel awkwardly patted the kitten's head. Jesse purred instantly. "Daddy, let's show them our pretty nest." Jesse was playing with Gabriel's tail.

"Sure, sugar pie. Sam?" Gabriel looked at his partner.

"Oh, of course. Let's go to the nest."

The small group, which consisted of four ducks and a small kitten, moved from the place.

* * *

Dean had said they would be gone for a few minutes, but it turned into a few hours. The brothers were so happy to see each other again and they had a lot of things to talk about. Everyone was getting along very well. Castiel' s nervousness finally disappeared and he enjoyed being with the small company.

When the time finally came to break up, Dean invited Sam, Gabriel, and Jesse to his wedding, which was scheduled to take place in three days.

* * *

**The Wedding**

Dean was nervous. He was sweating and his mouth was dry. He was standing in front of the chicken house. Balthazar, Bobby, Crowley, Sam, Gabriel, and Jesse were there too. The other duck family managed to sneak in the yard unnoticed. The hens could not be seen nearby, but they were busy.

"Oh, there he comes," Balthazar crooned while glancing over Dean's shoulder.

The black duck turned his head and gasped when he saw his mate waddling towards him.

Castiel was wearing the engagement bracelet and smiling broadly. He looked so beautiful that Dean could not hold a single tear back. He sniffed and unnoticeably wiped his nose.

"Dean." Castiel approached his mate and rubbed his neck against the black duck's chest lovingly.

"You're so beautiful, Cas," Dean mumbled while trying to wipe his snotty wing on the grass.

Balthazar cleared his throat and began with a loud, joyous voice: "My dear friends, we all gathered here so that God may seal and strengthen your love. With the rights given to me by myself, I ask you to state your intentions: Dean and Castiel, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?"

Both ducks nodded their consent and quacked simultaneously, "Yes."

Balthazar grinned like a maniac and continued vocalizing: "Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands and declare your consent before God and this chicken-house."

The ducks joined their wings and stared at Balthazar.

"Should I say something?" Castiel asked, staring at Balthazar.

"I think you shou…" Gabriel began, but Sam promptly shut his mouth by putting his wing over his mate's beak.

"Shhh." He scowled at the honey colored duck.

Jesse was playing with uncle Bobby's tail. The dog did not mind at all.

Balthazar scratched his head. It would be awkward asking Dean if he wanted to take Castiel to be his wife.

The rooster threw his wings in the air in defeat. "Oh, fuck it. You both want to get married right? I pronounce you… um…" he stuttered at the part of "man and wife". "Oh, mon Dieu, you’re married. Finish!" Balthazar rubbed his temples.

Bobby and Crowley cheered. Sam hugged his brother and Castiel tight. Gabriel wrapped his wing around Dean and whispered something into his ear. The black duck burst out laughing.

"What did you tell him, daddy?" Jesse was very curious to know.

"Sweetie, it's not for kids. I’ll tell you when you grow up." Gabriel winked at his son.

"Congratulations," Crowley purred and hugged the married couple.

"I'm proud of you, son," Bobby told Dean while putting his paw on the duck's shoulder.

"Thanks Bobby," the duck said, a little bit embarrassed.

"Ok, everyone, now it's time for the party," Dean told his guests. "We wanted to make a small table. I hope the girls know what they're doing," he continued.

* * *

"Hurry up, girls. They’ll be here in any minute." Lilith was fussing over the table.

The hens had laid some palm branches and fig leaves on the ground and put corn seeds, bread crumbs, and small insects on it.

"Ah, it's beautiful," Meg crooned proudly while contemplating their work – the wedding table.

"Here they are!" Bela yelled suddenly when the newlyweds appeared.

The hens ran towards them chuckling to congratulate them.

"Oh, this is so nice," Castiel quacked emotionally as he looked at the table. "Thank you, my friends."

"And now it's time for a party," Balthazar yelled, excited.

"Dean?" Castiel called his mate.

The black duck was chewing a fat cockroach when Castiel called him.

"Yeah? What is it, Cas?"

"I think we’re forgetting someone." Castiel frowned.

"Who do you mean? A guest?"

"Yes. I think we should invite Emma too." Castiel looked towards the house.

"Actually, that's a good idea. Why not? She's our friend and protector. She has a right to be here. Come on, let's call her." Dean waddled towards the house when Castiel caught him.

"Wait. We don’t have appropriate food for her."

"What? The table is full of various things, Cas," Dean snorted.

"Yes, but she does not eat frogs or corn seeds, Dean," Castiel said petulantly. "We should get something before we call her."

Dean looked around and suddenly he quacked happily. "I know what we should do. We could get some fruit for her. She likes fruit." the black duck pointed at the fig and pear trees.

"Good. Let's ask our friends to gather some while we go and get her." Castiel rushed towards Balthazar, explaining the situation. The rooster assured him everything would be perfect.

"Let's go, Dean," said Castiel and he moved forward.

* * *

Emma was sleeping in a hammock. She was wearing a long, blue summer dress and the hem was dangling over the edge. The ducks silently approached her and gingerly took the hem in their beaks.

Emma woke up to the feeling that someone was pulling at her dress. She looked around, but could not see anyone. The pulling continued. She looked down and saw her ducks.

"Heeey. What are you doing?" She sat up and patted their heads.

"Pull harder, Cas," Dean panted.

"I'm trying." Castiel sounded muffled.

Something, maybe a sixth sense, told Emma that the ducks were trying to tell her something. "Ok. I know this may sound insane, but are you trying to show me something? Quack if are." Emma stared at her pets.

Does it need to be mentioned that the ducks quacked at the same time?

"Ok, I give up." Emma raised her hands. "Lead the way!"

* * *

"Oh my God!" Emma gasped when she saw a small ‘table’ under the tree. "I’m at the wedding party, ain't I?" She was staring at the food.

Then she saw the new guests. Jesse was hiding behind Sam's back, peeking out cautiously.

"Don’t worry, she won’t harm him," Dean whispered to his brother.

Emma inhaled sharply. "You have special guests too," she whispered.

Castiel nudged her arm, as if encouraging her to try to eat something.

"Oh, you have fruit too? Hehehe, I have clever duckies." She giggled and took a pear. "Go on, eat. Don't pay attention to me," she said nonchalantly.

As if waiting for permission, all the animals and birds started to peck, chew, and bite their chosen food.

Emma was eating a pear and patting Dean when she remembered something. "Hmm, don't you think we’re missing something?" She stared at the black duck.

Dean looked at the table, thinking hard about what she was meaning. "I don't know," he quacked at her.

Emma raised a finger. "Alcohol, my dear! We need copious amount of alcohol! I'll be back shortly." She jumped to her feet and ran towards the house.

"What's wrong with her?" Gabriel was not sure about Emma's mental stability.

"Not sure. She was saying something about alcohol." Dean shrugged.

* * *

Meanwhile, Emma was rummaging through the fridge, getting the beer bottles out. She grabbed four bottles and plastic cups. Amelia was not home; she was visiting her friend at the hospital, who had fallen ill with pneumonia. There was a note on the fridge saying: "I am going to the hospital to see Kerrie. Try not to burn the house down. Love, Amelia".

"Can't promise you anything, grandma," Emma chuckled. She grabbed a CD player with her other hand and held the plastic cups with her teeth.

And that was the day when Dean the Black Duck tried his first beer. Whoever says that animals or birds don’t like alcohol is a shameless liar!

Step by step, Dean drank the whole bottle of beer; the other guests were sipping too and enjoying it. AC/DC was blaring from the speakers while the party was in full swing. Cackling, clucking, mewing, barking, laughter, everything was mixed up in a huge cacophony.

"You hnggttt driik moar," Emma slurred and waved her finger at Dean.

"Whaah?" Dean was staring at her, cross-eyed.

"Nat gd fhor yo potntion," Emma hiccupped and giggled. "yr swethart wants some loveeeen tonaaht," she sang.

AC/DC started to play the new song, "You Shook Me All Night Long".

"Cool song," Dean quacked and bobbed his head, following the rhythm.

* * *

Three hours later, when Amelia returned home, she had to take valium and lie down: her grandchild was lying drunk under the tree with two ducks in her lap while the other animals and birds were gathered around her and sleeping soundly.

"I need to speak to Charles tomorrow. He's a very experienced psychiatrist and I'm sure he can help Emma," the old lady was mumbling to herself while crawling into her bed.

Meanwhile, Emma and her pets were grinning and seeing their tenth dream. They seemed happy and didn’t give a damn about the whole world.

**The End**

 


End file.
